Economists can park my car

Economic theory was never a strong point for me. Despite my best efforts at undertanding money supply, M1 will always remain - in my mind - a busy motorway in England.

Over the years a few concepts have sunk in. Supply, demand, price indexing, inflation, opportuntiy cost and the ostrich effect that is practised by economists and their government foogies alike.

Economists are the camp followers, the Monday morning quarterback. They can explain a past economic event but they won’t put their balls on the anvil and predict the future or admit to the present.

We, in the US, are in the midst of a recession. It’s obvious even to a my dead cat who never even studied economics during his lifetime. People are being layed off, prices have gone up for basic needs, gas prices are high. Consumer expenditure is being constricted. Banks and the auto industry have imploded. Foreclosures and bankrupsies are at an all time high. For the love of all that’s Holy Starbucks is CLOSING 600 STORES. Forget a recession; it’s the end of the world as we know it. According to our economists however, who continue stare intently at their navels, we may or may not be in a recession. Sweet Mother.

Smoke is pouring out of the house and the fire chief is standing there scratching his nuts unwilling to agree that the house is on fire. Economists will tell you about economic change after the event. When the house is lying in smouldering ruins, they’ll nod and say. “How about that? There was a fire.”

So what good are economists? The average Joe - I include myself here - really doesn’t understand what they’re talking about with their big words (“slowdown, macro-this and micro-that”). Nor do we quite know what it is they actually do for a living. I don’t believe that economists know what they do either but have managed to hide this important fact behind their credentials and stern, intellectual prowness that people equate with doing something important. And if people think that they do something important then who are the economists to argue?

Ecomomists don’t produce a product. They don’t perform a service that you can put your finger on: their advice is vague, their consultations murky. They’re like slow soothsayers with a crystal ball who won’t tell you your future until it’s happened and then they take the credit no matter what the outcome when it does. That I believe is a fair assessment.

Next time you meet an economist toss him your car keys and tell him to wash your car and park it. You’ll be doing both of you a favor.