Nerd a rocket?

The Mars Lander business is boring me to tears.

After 30 years of trying NASA has lost 50% of spacecraft in the 30,000 MPH landing sequence (crashed) and the rest have produced some nice pictures of rocks with cutesy names and dust. Lots of dust.

I hate to put a spoiler on things but is NASA a welfare program for scientists? With a 50% failure rate and billions spent on dubious experiments, I think it’s time to wrap this up and wait until we reliable technology and send a person up there instead.

And there are tons of nerdy volunteers just begging for the call. Sending a nerd up there in a rocket would get to the bottom of our questions about the red planet lickety spit.

Nerd heads off with a rumble of rocket of exhaust and much fanfare. Eight months later nerd arrives and potters around the Martian surface.

Hiss. Buzz. "NASA here, is there water there?”
Nerd: “er, no.” Experiment one finished.
NASA: “Rocks and dust?”
Nerd: “lots.” Experiment two finished.
NASA: “Any signs of life, excluding yourself and microbes you brought with you attacked to your body?”
Nerd: “Negative.” Experiment three. Done.
NASA: “Did you take a picture of the landscape?”
Nerd: “Why? It’s exactly like the picture Voyager took in 1977.”
NASA: “Very good. Take a picture of some footprints and come on home.”
Pause.
Nerd: “Hey, you want me to take my helmet off and see if I can breath?”
Silence. Muffled giggles.
NASA: “er, OK.” Experiment four. Complete.

How hard was that? And it took what – 5 minutes - and the results are BETTER than all of the missions so far COMBINED. Cost? One way trip to Mars, a complete set of 2007 Wired Magazine, box of Twinkies, water and a propeller hat.

And they pay scientists to come with this stuff?